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We have been together for almost 2 years. I really want to break up, but can’t find an affordable place to live yet. I’m 20, he’s 27. When we met, I felt really confident in myself and happy. I said I didn’t want a boyfriend until college, but he was really nice and he was from China AND an “Engineering student.” I fell in love with him only to find he was a Math student who WANTED to study Engineering. This didn’t bother me, but now I realize it was a red flag. Here’s a quick summary of what happened:
*first 3 months= happy
*next 6 months=told me he liked bigger boobs and told me about 300 lb girls with giant boobs, or girls with fake boobs. I have natural 30D’s, but I didn’t show cleavage, and he wanted me to.
made comments about my wavy hair (he wanted straight hair) and hair color.And skin color (wanted me tan). Also told me my clothing was gross, that I shouldn’t shave my arms, my arms were too thin, and my stomach was too toned. Compliments were that I was skinny…didn’t even compliment my eyes or smile. I let this slide since I was his first real girlfriend (he had one before me for 2 months, and she cheated on him).
*then-on: asked me why i had wrinkles under my eyes until i started crying. To “comfort” me he said, “Stop crying or you’ll get more wrinkles!” So…it has been around 1 yr since then, but I spend around 1 hour every day starting at/trying to moisturize out the wrinkles (which I never noticed until he mentioned them).
*A few months ago he RANDOMLY said, “When you are older, you’ll be wrinkly, with rotten teeth and no hair.” I said, “Huh?” and he was denied ever saying that o__0
*Besides the fact that he lies all the time (esp. about smoking, drinking, what he is doing…like his FRIENDS will tell me he was out partying…HE won’t tho), and can never keep a promise (ex. he’ll ditch me, or get drunk when he said he wouldn’t), he has developed a horrible temper…he gets angry about everything, and will slam doors and throw stuff. An example is when he offered to wash dishes one day and I said, “Thanks.” and he was washing them and suddenly started calling me a wh*re, sl*t, ghetto trash, golddigger, and slamming doors. I was like, “What’s wrong? o__0
and he said, “I don’t want to wash dishes anymore — they’re TOO dirty!”
Anyway, I want to move out, but I’m studying abroad soon *which he is mad at me for doing*, so it’s complicated
He insults me ALL the time. I have grown to hate him, but the problem is that I feel so hideous now. I mean, he shows NO interest in my hobbies such as gaming, guitar, anime, art, and writing, and on top of that insults my goals of becoming a CEO (and studying abroad), AND he makes me feel ugly and worthless (ex. if i get upset at him for telling me we are going to hang out, and never coming home or for drunk driving, he gets furious at me and insults me for around 2 hours while trashing the apt). Sorry this is kinda a rant…but the above is simply an idea of some of what i’ve been through (not to mention he was a member of dating sites while we were dating etc)…
How can I gain back my confidence once I get the chance to leave him? Please help and thank you so much!!!