Arvo Part – Fratres For Cello And Piano. This is the version used in the brilliant film ‘There Will Be Blood’ *Note, I made this video, but I have nothing to do with the production of the song, or the film. All rights of the song go to Arvo Part, and all rights of ‘There Will Be Blood’ go to the film-makers.*
I’ve been so depressed for several weeks now, I used to go to a private school full of rich boffins, I was always bottom of the class etc, i’ve never been good at anything. I can’t do maths, i’m terrible at English, I don’t understand science. I love acting but failed my drama GCSE, I would love to be able to draw but I got so much grief from my art teacher about how bad my drawing was I gave up. I tried dancing, ballet, as my whole female family are ballet dancers. Every single one, except me. However my unbelievably awful balance and lack of multitasking ability disrupted the class so much I left out of sheer embarrassment.
And music, music is the one thing I would give anything to be good at, I had piano lessons for 2 years and went to ‘keyboard club’ (piano classes for little people) for about 3 years before that. After all that and all I can do is find any note on the piano. I don’t even know the circle of fifths.
Enough about school, I have an absolutely awful memory, any of my friends can vouch that, I’ll be told to do something and forget within 5 minutes, then get scolded for ‘avoiding chores’. A lot of my friends from that school (I left, thank god) can do really cool quirky things like being able to solve a Rubik’s cube, knowing the periodic table off by heart and writing their own songs. I tried learning the Rubik’s cube, I tried and I tried and I tried and I managed to get a combination of colours on the cube that wasn’t even ON any of the algorithm websites, I mean for heavens sake it was a new cube how did I manage that?!?!?!?!
So I gave up on that after completely messing up my cube, and thought I’ll have a stab at writing a song, I have always loved guitar, so I thought i’ll try learning that, turns out (I have abnormally tiny hands) that my hands aren’t even big enough to reach the frets. After crying and punching a wall about how bloody useless I was I sat and thought about something else I could do.
I decided, I have a lot of love for nature and animals, so I thought I would raise a pet, I purchased a hamster and everything he would need, splashing out on extra spacious beds and toys and fresh food, even building him a run which spanned half my bedroom floor, I took such good care of him for a week. Before my useless memory kicked in and I forgot to close my door on my way out. After pulling up my whole room looking for him, I found my mother’s cat with his mutilated body in the garden some time later.
My mother has since bought two female rabbits, and they and the cat are fine, I try and stay away from them from fear of stepping on them by accident or something. Anyway, my mother and step-father were talking about possibly getting a buck rabbit and having some babies, I immediately said that sounded wonderful, and that i’d look after the babies, my step dad wasted no time in bursting out in laughter and scoffing ‘pssh, you bloody wouldn’t’ which had my mother also in laughter. I have been crying in my bed for the last few hours. I few completely useless. My life is a waste. I’m going to college in september to have another stab at A-levels, until then i’m trying to find a job, so far people have been quick to turn me away. I currently do voluntary work in two charity shops, sometimes I feel as old as the elderly ladies who work there.
My mother is worried about me because i’ve been down for so long but won’t tell her why, I’m afraid she’ll just scoff and tell me to get on with life and stop being so stupid, but I genuinely feel like crap.
So if you’ve bothered to read all of the above…what should I do now?
I’m not religious. I’m sorry but these answers really aren’t helpful… I need advice, not religious hope